I Just Need To Feel
by FifiDoll
Summary: DARK. Blaine knows he broke up with Kurt for the wrong reasons, and at a party with the New Directions guys, he starts to wallow in self pity. He asks Sam to help him through it in the wrong way and Sam helps make things better.


Blaine knew the minute he stepped through the door that going to Finn's party right after breaking up with Kurt had been a bad idea. Blaine had blamed it on the distance and insisted that he really cared for Kurt, which he did, but it had been rough. When Finn and Kurt found out they'd have the house to themselves for the weekend, Puck was all over it, but Kurt was less than enthused. He'd called Mercedes as soon as Finn gave in and dubbed the evening girls night at Rachel's house.

That explained the massive group of boys in Finn's house, a game of poker going in the dining room and porn playing on the big screen. Blaine had been fine when he got to the party (Finn had invited him out of pity, and Puck insisted there was no better way to get over someone than to drink away your sorrows) but after downing a few drinks, his mood was anything but fine. He was torn between laughing, crying, and punching a hole in a wall, and most of the guys just left him to sulk in the recliner.

Sam seemed to be the only one drunk enough to have the gall to talk to him. That, or he was really, _really_ drunk and just didn't care about what might happen if he pissed Blaine off. "You gotta lighten up, man," Sam insisted, nudging Blaine's shoulder and flashing him a winning smile.

Blaine just glared at him, not amused by Sam's antics at all. Sam's smile faded and he picked up on the fact that something was wrong. "You wanna talk about it?" Sam asked hopefully.

His red cup swayed in his hand, but he held steady as he leaned against the recliner. "Fine," Blaine sighed, standing and following Sam out the door.

They wandered through the house and out into the garage. Several half-repaired cars littered the huge tire shop that Kurt's dad owned. "Why're we out here?" Blaine asked, his words slurred.

Sam shrugged and downed the rest of his drink. "Why not?" he replied simply.

Blaine scoffed and leaned against an old Ford, "I don't even know why you wanted to talk."

"'Cause you're upset," Sam shrugged. "What's wrong?"

With a sigh, Blaine looked up to meet Sam's eyes. "I just…" he began, searching for the right words. "Ever since I broke up with Kurt, everything has just kind of sucked. But it was the right thing to do."

"Do you feel better now that you broke up with him?" Sam asked bluntly.

Blaine looked anywhere but at Sam as he admitted, "No."

"Why not?"

The thought had never really crossed Blaine's mind before. "It's like I don't feel anything anymore," he admitted. "But, that doesn't make sense."

"Sure it does," Sam shrugged. "Kurt made you happy. Kurt's gone so now the happiness is gone."

Blaine looked confused and asked, "How do you know that?"

Sam shrugged and said, "I just do."

Neither said a word as Sam wandered around the garage, looking at various car parts and tools littered around the place. Blaine's eyes watched Sam, not quite sure what was coming next. Out of nowhere, Sam spun around to face Blaine and asked, "Why did you _really_ break up with Kurt? Don't say distance because we all know that's bullshit. It was something else."

Blaine stared blankly at Sam for a second before asking, "How did you know?"

"Because you're here all the time," Sam said, striding over to Blaine, his steps clumsy but determined. "It was a crap excuse and I want to know the truth."

Now Sam was standing toe to toe with Blaine, staring at him angrily, waiting impatiently for an answer. It was an answer Blaine hoped he'd never actually give, but here he was, drunk and ready to spill his deepest secrets because someone cared enough to ask. "I'm a horrible person, Sam," Blaine sighed.

"That's not your reason," Sam shot. "Tell me the truth. Now!"

Blaine had no idea why Sam was getting so angry, but he caved at the sound of someone shouting and said, "Okay, okay, fine. I…I guess I was frustrated that we'd been together for how long and never once did we do more than kiss. Not even make out, just _kiss_. I need more than that. Doesn't every guy?"

"We don't break up with people for it," Sam said angrily. "At least not as soon into a relationship as you did."

Blaine still wasn't sure why Sam was yelling at him, but he was quite tired of it already. "I told you I was a horrible person, okay! I get it!" Blaine shouted, pushing Sam by his shoulders. "I knew it was a matter of time until someone beat the crap out of me for it."

Sam's face fell and all anger seemed to have disappeared as he asked, "Wait…why would anyone do that?"

"I deserve it," Blaine said, his face torn between rage and sadness. "I deserve to have the living crap beat out of me for the way I treated Kurt."

Sam grabbed the front of Blaine's shirt and shoved him up against the Ford he'd been leaning against. "Don't ever say that again," Sam berated him. "_Nobody_ deserves it."

"But I _do_," Blaine insisted. He was so upset tears were almost falling from his eyes. "You gotta do it for me, Sam. Please."

He begged and pleaded with his eyes and Sam wasn't quite sure when it had gotten to this point. "What am I even supposed to do?" Sam asked desperately.

Sam had hated himself before, sure, and sometimes he still did when he ate too many Fritos or had an ice cream cone when he hung out with his brother and sister, but never enough to ask _someone else_ to punish him for it. "You have to do it all," Blaine said his eyes falling just to the right of Sam's eyes. His dazed look told Sam that Blaine was rather drunk, and really, so was Sam. "Treat me like shit, fuck me like I'm some toy because for a while there that's all I wanted Kurt to be. I wanted him to give in and just be mine and that's _not right_ and…and…" he took a deep breath before finishing, "Someone just needs to show me how bad of a person I am so I can change. You gotta fix me Sam," his eyes drifted over and met Sam's as he pleaded, "_Please_, Sam."

"You gotta stop beating yourself up like this, dude," Sam said, pushing Blaine against the Ford again, hoping that a little roughness would stop it all.

Blaine fought back, pushing them backwards, almost knocking over a tool bench in the process. "Damn it, Sam! Do what I told you!" Blaine shouted, struggling against Sam, tossing them both to the ground.

Sam really didn't want to hurt Blaine. Help him see that what he'd done was wrong, sure, but not the way he wanted. Blaine slapped at Sam and that frustrated the blonde. "Stop it!" Sam shouted, aiming a slap right back at Blaine.

His hand landed with a sickening smack against Blaine's cheek and he felt Blaine struggling less underneath him. Blaine was half crying, half seething at everything that was going on. He struggled against Sam, but only enough to get the blonde riled up. "Is that all you want?" Sam asked, surprised, noticing how thankful Blaine had seemed to be slapped.

Blaine nodded insistently, struggling only barely at Sam, who was now straddling his lap. He rolled them, tossing Sam to the side before trying to crawl away. Sam grabbed out for him, taking hold of the end of his cardigan and pulling him down. Blaine fell to his face, his knees giving out from beneath him and Sam landed a well-aimed slap against Blaine's ass. Blaine whimpered but didn't move. Sam could have sworn he heard Sam whisper "thank you," but he'd never know.

Experimentally, Sam landed his hand against Blaine's ass again. Blaine slowly climbed up onto his hands and knees but didn't try to scoot away. "That what you want?" Sam asked, his words still slightly slurred as he spoke.

Blaine nodded and whimpered, begging in hushed breath, "Please, more. Please, Sam…"

"Pants off," Sam demanded.

The concrete of the garage wouldn't be kind to Blaine's knees but if that's the way he wanted it to be, then Sam would go with it. Whatever it took to get Blaine over his horrid case of self-hatred was what Sam would go with. Blaine did as he was told and let his jeans pool at his ankles. It was an embarrassing and vulnerable position, but he knew he deserved it no matter what Sam or anyone else said. Before Blaine was even really prepared for it, Sam landed a slap on Blaine's ass, the sound echoing throughout the entire garage. Blaine didn't make a sound.

Sam watched as the skin he'd just hit turned a slight pink. He swung quickly, his palm hitting the same place as before, and that time Blaine let out a little sound of discomfort. His skin stung and it kind of hurt, but he wouldn't say stop. He _needed_ to feel this – to know that what he'd done to Kurt was wrong and that he'd been punished for it because it wasn't right, and he'd been selfish. Another slap, and then the next - they all made his skin feel like it was on fire.

Sam kept smacking at Blaine's ass, his swings light and then rough – unpredictable so Blaine never knew what was coming. His skin was becoming more red and irritated with each swing, but Sam didn't let up. Not if this was what Blaine wanted. "Sam, please…" Blaine whimpered.

The sting was almost too much to handle, and he needed something else – more pain, more punishment – something to _really_ break him. If he could say it, Sam might do it, and then it would all end, "You gotta use me, Sam…please."

Sam stopped hitting Blaine and looked at him through half-focused eyes. "Blaine, I…" he tried to dissuade him.

"Do it!" Blaine cut him off.

His eyes were full of desperation and anger. There were a few tear streaks down his face but he wasn't going to give up. Sam reached out and grabbed at Blaine's clothes roughly, twisting and pulling Blaine down to the ground, onto his back. It was a good thing Sam was drunk, because otherwise he'd be seriously rethinking everything he ever told Kurt about his sexuality – something about the way Blaine was begging was driving Sam insane.

When Sam's mind drifted, Blaine tried to pull things back to reality. He groped around for the waistband of Sam's jeans, lowering them just enough so he could take Sam's half-hard dick into his mouth. Sam couldn't really pinpoint what it was that turned him on to begin with, but the things Blaine was doing with his mouth were certainly helping.

Sam gasped as Blaine's head bobbed, taking more than he should be trying to, sounds of Blaine just barely gagging on Sam's dick echoing up to Sam's ears. He wasn't sure if he should be turned on scared at that point; Blaine was going to hurt himself if he wasn't careful. The tip of Sam's dick was hitting the back of Blaine's throat and he thought for a moment that Blaine was going to choke himself when he stopped moving, his mouth full. "Blaine, guh…" Sam muttered, tugging at Blaine's hair, trying to get him to move.

Blaine didn't move until absolutely necessary, taking in deep gulps of air as he did so. "Blaine, what the hell?" Sam asked, tugging at his hair to make the other boy look up at him. "You're going to hurt yourself."

"'s what I wanted to do to Kurt," Blaine muttered, reaching out to stroke Sam. "I shouldn't've…" his words were slurring and his face was flushed. "I gotta, Sam…"

Sam was a little uncomfortable with it all, but if that's what Blaine wanted, Sam would do it – on his terms. Blaine reached out for Sam's waist again, but Sam didn't let Blaine take charge. He held Blaine by his hair, his fingers wound through the curls covered in cracked gel. Eagerly, Blaine look Sam into his mouth, his cheeks hollowing as Sam thrust slowly. Right when Blaine began to think that Sam wasn't going to be rough enough, Sam jerked his hips and Blaine found himself almost choking on Sam's dick. He squished his eyes shut and tried to breathe through his nose. It was difficult, since he'd been crying. His fingers squeezed at Sam's hips and Sam got the hint. Sam pulled Blaine's head away and muttered, "You really don't deserve this, Blaine."

Blaine didn't listen, though; he opened his mouth, begging for more without a single word. Blaine just sat there, gripping Sam's hips, as Sam fucked his mouth. Sam tried to be gentle, even though Blaine didn't want it, but it was getting harder and harder to control his movements as he was dragged closer to the edge. "Blaine, I…" Sam muttered, his eyes fluttering shut as he bit his lip.

He had the mind to pull Blaine's face away and quickly Blaine's hand reached in to finish the job. Sam groaned as Blaine picked up speed, jerking Sam until he came all over Blaine's hand. Blaine stared at the mess in his hand as Sam slowly returned to reality. "'s that enough for you?" he asked, hoping the answer was yes. He'd hurt Blaine enough, hadn't he?

Blaine shook his head. "I…I don't hurt enough," Blaine muttered.

Sam pulled up his jeans and looked down at Blaine with pity in his eyes. "I don't know what else you want me to do," Sam frowned.

It was probably because of the alcohol, but Blaine wasn't afraid to say it anymore. "You gotta fuck me, Sam. Make me hurt. I need it…I _deserve_ it," he muttered desperately.

Blaine sat on the dirty floor of the garage, his shirt already covered in spots of dirt just from fighting with Sam. "I'm not going to do that to you, Blaine," Sam insisted. "I mean…isn't there something else?"

Reaching out with his come-covered hand, Blaine coated Sam's fingers and tugged Sam to the ground next to him. He guided Sam's fingers to his ass and groaned in frustration when Sam didn't do what he wanted. "Blaine…?" Sam began, confused and a little concerned.

"Just fucking do it!" Blaine demanded, his voice wavering.

He was on the brink of tears again and Sam was starting to become worried. Blaine was really upset and the last thing he wanted to do was encourage Blaine with his whole self-hatred thing. Then an idea dawned on Sam, and he was pretty proud of himself for realizing it considering how much alcohol he'd had that night. Scowling, he looked down at Blaine, whose face was contorted in frustration in anger, and without hesitation pressed in a finger.

Blaine hissed at the intrusion but fought through the slight tinge of pain he felt. Come only worked so well as lube, and it was starting to dry anyway, but Sam's finger still moved smoothly and that was all Blaine needed. It didn't hurt enough, though. "More," he begged.

Sam did as he said, adding a second finger without reserve. Blaine could feel the stretch and it hurt a little at first, but he was kind of starting to like it. That only served to make him angrier, though, especially when Sam's finger hit the right spot inside of him and he was seeing stars it felt so good. Blaine let out a groan and the corners of his mouth upturned. Seeing Blaine's expression change so quickly told Sam that he'd found the right thing, and he kept moving his fingers, trying to pull Blaine further and further away from his rage.

Blaine writhed on the dirty floor, his tears and pain turned to pleasure. When he realized it, though, he scowled and bucked his hips roughly, trying to change the angle so it wouldn't feel so good. "More…" Blaine demanded. "It doesn't hurt, I need _more_."

Sam slowly pressed in a third finger, deliberately being gentle with Blaine's body. Blaine growled in frustration as Sam knelt above him, holding him down and slowly sliding his fingers in and out. Blaine was torn between just savoring the feelings and fighting against Sam. "You don't deserve to be hurt, Blaine, no matter what you did to Kurt," Sam insisted, his fingers continuing their work as he hovered over Blaine.

Growling angrily, Blaine muttered, "Yeah I do."

"Blaine," Sam said warningly, deliberately running his fingers across Blaine's prostate. "You know deep down you really don't."

"You're wrong," Blaine breathed, grinding his hips down onto Sam's fingers.

Sam kept moving his fingers, watching Blaine closely as he brought the boy closer and closer to orgasm. Blaine's moans and breathing clued him in, and evilly, Sam stopped everything. Blaine whimpered and opened his eyes, staring at Sam. "Wh…I…" he couldn't seem to find words.

"Tell me you don't hate yourself," Sam insisted. "Tell me you'll stop being angry at yourself for what you did to Kurt."

"But…" Blaine whimpered, desperately moving his hips for more stimulation.

"It was wrong but it's in the past and you deserve to move on and be happy just like everyone else," Sam said. "Say it."

Blaine shook his head and took a deep breath. He wasn't so close anymore. He could do this. If Sam wanted to play this game, he'd go right along with it. But then Sam's fingers were moving enthusiastically again and it was hard to keep his control and _holy shit_ Blaine was so close. He was moaning and writhing around and it all felt so good. "Sam, I…" Blaine muttered, his back arching off the floor.

Sam's fingers left Blaine's body completely and Sam watched him expectantly. Blaine was so desperate. He reached out to grab his own dick if Sam was going to keep doing this, but Sam stopped him. "Say it, Blaine," Sam said roughly.

Blaine just glared up at Sam, daring him to push him. Sam slowly slid his fingers in and out of Blaine's ass and smirked as Blaine's eyes fluttered shut and he groaned at how good it felt. "Come on, Blaine…" Sam mumbled as he slowly fucked Blaine with his fingers. "You know what you need to do…"

Blaine whimpered and fought the urge to give in, but it all felt so good and he really just wanted to get off. Even if Sam had a point (which he didn't, a voice in Blaine's head reminded him), Blaine didn't want to give in. What he'd done was wrong, but as it really worth this? He struggled with the many thoughts in his brain, trying to ignore the fact that it all felt so good and he just needed to come.

When Sam reached out and started stroking at Blaine's dick while fingering him, Blaine completely fell apart. He was desperate and the torture was getting to be too much. "Okay, okay," Blaine panted, breathing heavily. "God, okay, I'm sorry."

He let out a low moan and begged, "Please…"

Sam worked both of his hands in a steady rhythm, pulling Blaine over the edge, making him see stars with how hard he came. Sam's hand was covered in warm white liquid as Blaine arched his back off the ground with the impact of it all. He pulled his fingers out and slowly stroked Blaine through his orgasm until he shrunk away from the contact, the feeling too intense.

Sam stood and wandered across the garage in search of a clean rag, cleaning his hands off when he finally found one. He brought it over to Blaine, who was lying in the dirt on the floor, practically asleep and still a mess. "Clean up," Sam insisted, handing the rag to him. "Then we'll get you to bed."

Blaine looked like he was on the verge of tears, and Sam instantly felt bad for doing what he'd done. Once Blaine was decent, they tossed the rag into a bin and wandered inside. They went upstairs and Sam got Blaine settled in Finn's bed. "I'm sorry for what I did to you," Sam mumbled as Blaine's eyes fluttered shut.

"Don't be," Blaine mumbled, his hand lazily grasping Sam's. "'m sorry I asked you to do it…"

When Sam moved to leave, Blaine's grip tightened and he looked up at Sam with tear filled eyes. "Stay here? Please?" he mumbled.

Sam felt so bad, seeing how upset Blaine was, and nodded without a second thought. He climbed into the other side of the bed and was instantly met by Blaine, clinging to his side. Sam swung his arm around Blaine's shoulder, hugging him close. "'night, Blaine," he muttered into Blaine's mussed up hair.

"'night," Blaine sighed, holding Sam close.

In the morning, Sam would worry about the implications of everything he'd just done. In the morning, he'd have to worry about how Blaine would react and what his sober brain would thing of everything. But for right now, Sam was just going to fall asleep, content, curled up with someone else for the first time in a while.


End file.
